Thursday, February 24, 2011

Did you know....

That is the common start to a comment quite often made to me by strangers. Especially at the grocery store.

Did you know that it is very hard/difficult/rare/odd to get a boy from China?

When Scott and I first brought Mason home, we received this comment often, sometimes daily.  Of course, I have heard most of the adoption related comments. Ones like...

Is he yours?

Where is he from?

How did you get a boy?

Was he abandoned?

What was wrong with him?

He is so lucky.

You are so wonderful to adopt him.

and on and on....

Don't get me wrong.  Some of these questions/comments are well intentioned.  I get it.  Not everyone understands adoption or Chinese adoption.  Adoption is very complicated and changes pretty frequently.  It is full of paperwork and government agencies. Offices and agencies that I had no knowledge of before adoption. So, I get it when people are curious and ask questions.  I have to admit that I don't always know the right way to respond to every question and comment but I do try my best to give an educated answer.  I also have to admit that it does often bother me when I am approached in public by a stranger and asked a very personal question.  Sometimes I smile and walk away and other times I politely answer the question or comment and walk away.  It is important to remember that this is Mason's information and it is not ours to share. 
Once in great while, I get pissy.  Like today.  I got the question.

Lady standing very close to me in line at the grocery store- Excuse me ma'am.  Is your son Korean? 
Me- No, he was born in China.
Lady- Oh, China?  Did you know.....it is very hard to get a boy out of China.
Me- Actually, it isn't.  {Insert very fake smile}

And I took Mason's hand and we walked away.  I realize, I was rude and could have given a very educated answer to this question/comment.  Something like...
Actually, there are more and more boys being adopted out of China. About half of the children waiting to be adopted in China are boys.   If you are interested in adopting a little boy from China, you can contact our agency for more information.  Here is their card.... 
BUT....I didn't this time. I got pissy.

What I really wanted to say was... (Kelsey, if you are reading this, stop here) :)



No sh!t!  Really!  I had no idea that more girls were adopted from China than boys!  Thanks for giving me THAT info!

If she is reading :) I apologize to the lady in the grocery store.  I will try and do better next time.  Because, there will be a next time. Maybe I should write all the appropriate answers on index cards and refer to them when I get a personal or unwanted question. 
Excuse me while I flip through my notes for the nicest answer I can find.

Anyway, if you are still here....Thanks for listening to my rant.  Adoption is such a gift and we are so blessed by Mason and it is hard to imagine life without him.

 Is he mine?  Yes, he grew in my heart and I adore him!   
Where is he from?  He was born in China.
How did you get a boy?  We requested either gender and were blessed with a little boy.
Was he abandoned?  That is my son's information and I am not comfortable sharing it with you.
What was wrong with him? Absolutely nothing.  He is a child of God and perfect in every way!
He is so lucky.  We are the ones blessed by his addition to our family.
It is so wonderful that you adopted him.  Thank you.  Adoption was one way that we always planned on adding to our family. Mason has blessed our lives in more ways than we can write in a blog or talk about in the grocery store. 

Aaaaah.  Now I am feeling better! If I offended you with this post, sorry.  It was probably most understood by other adoptive parents.

Jennifer

4 comments:

Reagan said...

We get the same about Alex all the time. One of my favorite comments is one I got today---again.
Did he speak Chinese when you got him? Does he still speak Chinese?
Uhh, no. He speaks baby and that's pretty much the same everywhere :-)

Jen Wescott said...

ha! That happened to me a while back at Safeway! I had a hard time convincing this couple that Mason only spoke baby English. :)

Emily said...

i've been asked if i run a daycare-- and the one that i HATE is-- are they related? (referring to my 3 asian sensations) they ask all the time in front of them-- and i just cringe....argh

Papa G said...

You go girls!! Every one of "us" need a little education once in a while. Papa G